I woke up this morning to take a leak and I couldn't go back to sleep. My number one go to alternative to get some snooze is to read. Reading is addictive for me, I can never go a day without reading. So, I found this write up online about reasons why they left their significant others and the stories were pretty cray, like literally. It kind of reminded me how cray cray I was in the past myself.

I've stumbled on a few acquaintances, they all seemed pretty cold and I could smell their fear. I didn't quite get that til I had to take a trip back down memory lane and remembered how awful of a human being I was. I will never deny that because I have long accepted that monstrous side of myself that even my other half knows all about it and still wholly accepted me. I have already buried it along with all the unspeakable things that I have done to anybody ever close to me. I find it a bit disappointing that some people only focus on what I have done wrong in the past without even realizing that I, just like any other person, can change and impossible as it may seem, for the better.

It's probably safe to say that most people are natural butthurt sadists that take pleasure in talking shit of other people or feasting on the dirt one has, they love tearing other people down prolly because they are also torn down deep inside. I should know, I've been there and I've done that. I've got a lot of things that I am not proud of that even I, myself would not want to be my friend if I found out. I guess I can expect these people to pass the news on to their friends, warn them about me and even exaggerated the scenarios but all I can say is, girls act crazy because the guy they are dating sends them mixed signals, and the guy himself is a little crazy. Seriously though, what people say behind my back, what they say about how i was in the past and how they assume I still am as of today is something that shouldn't bother me at all. Wondering about it is inevitable, but a thought came to me and this is what should matter.. those who behave sensibly is my tailor and besides, i live by these words:

“Progress is impossible without change, and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.” -George Bernard Shaw

I have already forgiven myself for the mistakes I've made, some understood me while others just shut me off. As a grown woman, I am thankful for all these people whom I have crossed paths with. Whether they continue to be friends with me or not, they both continue to serve as lessons and opportunities for personal growth. I know in myself, I am no longer that crazy girl because I have grown to be a more intellectually, emotionally and spiritually mature woman. There's a good chance that she's still sleeping in me, I might wake her up or have a few slip ups every now and then yet I am making it my mission to make up for the people that I've wronged. Make amends with them, if they don't let me in... it's alright. I won't let that stop me from being kinder and gentler to the people who will come along my way.

I consider myself fortunate because not every person can have the same awakening that I have, they always take it the wrong way because it was delivered with a peculiar twist or they refuse to acknowledge this gift of wisdom because they are too naive as to how much it could improve the quality of your life.

I want to be good because I want to feel that I deserve all the good things that are coming my way.
I want to be good and to my love, Chris, thank you for inspiring me to do good. You make me good. I love you.

and to my cousin, Dianne Dawn pangit, please do not share this on FB again!! hahaha...i love you!! ^_^